Of dreams, hopes and eerie terrifyingness..

Tut tut... almost a month since I last posted anything. A realization hit me.. I have not been online for a looooooooooong while.. not sure of the exact reason behind the lack of passion in that department.. or maybe just lacking in desire to reach out to masses..

Turning around, reflecting, funny how things had been, for me, especially in slumberland.. without fail, each encounter, on a daily basis I would fall into the abyss of  dreamland.. rarely a happy 1, most times just eerie.. (I just realised I subconsciously put 2 products up for advertising here~ good lord!I should get some deal here eh? It is seriously time anyway, I hope you guys see this and call me for an offer!)

It really doesn't matter, I could be in Penang, in a hotel room, my own room, a couch in a living room and any time of the day.. dreams kept pursuing me, haunting me.. every nooks and corners that I turned, it is there, staring.. waiting for me to approach and consume me whole.

To recap some of the snapshots (that I somehow recalled) :

1) There I am, present at a LGBT event / award do when I saw my 3rd uncle and my 'yi poh' literally meant 2nd grandma (actually sister to grandma to be accurate) hugging me, shaking my hands and they actually told me that they are A-O-KAY with me being out and proud and total acceptance, no question, hands down.. the key people missing from my dream was my mom and my sis actually~

This dream actually propels and set into motion a lengthy thought full of 'the how tos : course of continuously educating my immediate family of the danger of homophobia' and drove in an extremely strong desire to drag my gf and her family out to mingle with my familly, a strong proof that homosexuality does not divide, it brings together.. whereas homophobia divides.. GF's advise : not so wise.. SIGH~ plan failed..

Again, this was and had been an outcome from the very deep desire within for mummy dearest to know that I am really just her daughter, chips and all and I have not exactly changed that much. I have not turned evil, unacceptable (maybe only to some) or broken beyond repair. I have simply, mainly desire and chose to be with another woman and in turn, deemed undesirable in the eyes of a few, claiming to be the 'Majority' that is 'NORMAL'.

I have a few more ideas how to go about that but it really is too long to be written here, some other day, some other blog yeah? I promise :P

2) A darker, morbid dream. One that actually has my ex gf, Jenny (from L Word), some mafia, crime, thriller theme.. don't ask me for much of the content except my ex's head prop from the new stand ghost like (abit like Ju-on.. ewwww) while I was flipping through some books, she walked past the stand a few times and finally confronted me, then a beautiful, tranquil sepia image of Jenny with a gunshot wound on her side (love handles to be exact) sitting on a beautiful sofa, whirled in this pool of dead bodies... I feel like I was watching a movie, or looking at a painting that moves (with Jenny la) so enigmatic, so surreal (it is actually, I'd be horrified if it's true, what more with my ex in there.. LOL) and then an ensuing car chase or foot chase (really can't remember much, after that)

I have no explanation whatsoever to why I dream that but then I've dreamed worse just that I can't recalled the last 3 weeks worth of dreaming.. if you have an answer, feel free to analyze and tell me..

For the last week or so : I have been thinking and been speaking to the current and closest 2 women in my life, about us.. about lesbianism.. about future of the sistahood, future of working together, the LGBTIQ as a whole entity, together with friends, families and supporter of us all (sounds like PFLAG but not).

In my head, whirred exactly these few questions :

1) Why aren't the lesbians in Malaysia more visible?

2) Why aren't the lesbians in Malaysia more active?

3) Why aren't the lesbians in Malaysia doing much more for the sista like how the brothers did?

4) Why aren't there a web? If there is, why is it so frail, thin, transparent?

The answer anonymously comes to this : NO ACTION TALK ONLY.. it is very sad but I am hoping 1 day, it will all change. To get there, let's see how to tackle this and get some motors running and hopefully like the corns, we could transform to those tasty popcorns after being exposed to extreme heat.. LOL

Yesterday : I finally read Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol. Truth be told, it didn't get me going like how Angels and Demons did; the latter made my heart leap and prance around the field.. I find it tedious to read at times and it has also caused me to self doubt : is my literacy waning? is my mind to comprehend wandering? has my linguistic mind became old and frail? Needless to say, i grabbed the attention of gf dearest and bombarded her with some questions similar to what I was feeling to determine if I am, in fact, turning into a numbskull.

Alas, besides admitting my inevitable fate to being a 1st class numbskull, the book is indeed tedious to read. I would definitely attribute it to the fact that the lack of knowledge I possessed regarding the Freemason / Lodge(?) and any Masonic teachings. I have and used to mistaken it with the Illuminati..

Nevertheless, my knowledge had not improved ever since.. meanwhile, reading throughout the wee hours into 1st light, I have these creepy feeling of 'otherness'. I keep looking out to the hallway outside my room (we kept door open as it was really hot yesterday) or have my phone facing it so the light will shone and show me anything that might make me jump real bad and leap out from my skin (I was really scared but I really had to know) and when it got too scary, I went out, setting myself down on a couch in my living room (lights on, definitely) all sorts of noise spooked me, TERRIBLY... even a slightly moving plastic that sealed the cigarette box.. ADUIH~

I finally fell asleep after 6.30 a.m. first on the couch, then made the migration to room and position of my head this time is resting where my feet normally would because I was trying to avert looking right out to the hallway facing middle room and master room and feeling all eerie, creepy and as if something uncomfortable has gotten under my skin (which it did, I am a big time scaredy-cat)

Ms. O, please help me.. I think I have succumbed to something dark! Let me know if you agree with me :P

Penang.. Long GONE.. : The Road Trip~

Ok... OK.. so I was supposed to post this like last month.. so I was supposed to announce to the world how funny the journey was.. but .. I was too sick / lethargic / tired / lazy (mostly lazy)..

I think this would be my 1st picture more than words blog.. hahahahahaha.. Enjoy!!

We stopped at the Jambatan restaurants and have Burger King!! I chomped on mine...

Look at her LCLY face with the fried mozarella!!

 This is our receipt~ Look at the damage.. hahaha!

The wind blows and the sakai emerged!!
Freaking hot weather and I got a tan just from sitting in a car...

Trust me, I really have to do this... It is an obligation!!

Must hold on.. can't fall asleep just yet *in case got wallop by driver*

This is not doughnut.. I was bored and taking picture of my belly button.. LOL

A view of my thigh's permanent marital partner... The Cellulite.. muahahahahahha

My pox scar that looked like kena bite by 1 small 1 big fang.. hehehehehe

My gf asked me to take the tunnel from her phone but sigh so hard la... so I used mine.. hehe!

 Yeap, at the end of every tunnel, there's always light *OHM*

You're probably wondering why the journey to penang is so funny...

1st : green scenery

More greens..

Mountains and greens.... sejuk mata memandang kan??

And then the nightmare begins...From afar, this hideous gigantic thing caught our eyes :

See the logo??

I got the logo for evidence.. YTL CEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We were both shouting murder and ranting plus I was still struggling to get a better picture when this happened : 

That's right, A VAN!! and WHY???!! Because the gf's phone camera is stupid.. LOL

So gf asked me to 'take more scenery la!' and this happened next :

A moving truck and the tyre.. kan pandai her camera???

So I showed her all those above and we roared with laughter, ridiculing my photography skills, me lambasting her idiot phone camera and how ridiculous things turned out~ Then to my delight.. I discovered this, hence to her horror, the nightmare had begun :

Pretty pretty clouds~

A roast pig like cloud on the right, which we debated furiously about~

Don't ask me why, I like how the cloud looks.. 

Look to the left, it's like a hand stretched out for $!! 

You can almost hear me say : 'Hou sam lor, fuk sam lor~'

Then there's the look of 'battle between the good and evil'

Seems like the dark 1 is sending it's minions (the small black ones) to round and attack the white 1

The takeover was successful.. can you see how the white's arms are both stretched like being held by the armpit and both it's legs are curved when you are lifted up *sob*

Then it's armies attacked us :

I think we just past Ipoh or Taiping or something when it rained.. HEAVILY..

Ok, suddenly not so heavy anymore..

Ok, there!! It's making a comeback again~

And I didn't give up :

Nice hor? I took it through the tint from top part of main front window.. lol

It poured like nobody's business.. at this point, we think 'HABISLA, SURE REACH 7PM'

I even got a side 1 to show to you guys how 'lebat' it is~

And also some laughables (or not) to show how capable this photographer is and her trials and tribulation with that thing call phone camera :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFdj9WtB5jw 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qh6RnAtqlrA&feature=channel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSqWJkLBHPk&feature=channel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCmBdG69iTY&feature=channel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJaFCcejozA&feature=channel

Of soul & sold...

Well, I have loads of shortcomings just as i have the long ones too.. lol but I just realised I've not blogged anything for the last say, 18 days or something like that.. hmmm.. can't remember if I ever delay this long.. need to check back my track record.. hahaha...

I actually had a draft on 20/03/2010 and it read something like this :

Don't Listen, Can't Register....

This is actually 1 of my pet peeve.. I hate it when you tell someone something, then you realized they didn't listen hence it won't register in their memory.. or ... maybe.. I AM JUST TOO DAMN LONG WINDED!!

Few days ago, 1 of my housemate approached me (not her 1st time) to have a short chat. This happened after I showed her the outstanding

SO NOW I AM TOO LAZY TO CONTINUE THAT POST AND HAVE CHOSEN TO ABANDON IT....LOL

A month or 2 passed and I just realised something.. me and gf getting abit looney.. we are getting more and more in-tune mentally.. or sorta psychic.. i can tell when something happened to her and asked her about it or that we will continuously say the same thing together.. or 1 will say it and another will think of the exact same word or that we ended up by ending one another's sentence..

This morning is definitely 1 of those days / times. We both were thinking to eat brekkie at the chinese coffee shop nearby our place...

I told her, we are old couple now!!!! Que horror!!

Bloody Australia!

Last Saturday was 'Majority Lesbos Day' in Yuen's steamboat.. It's been so long since all of us were together.. not the full group though *looks far far away towards Ling + Wendy*

There's 2 pots on our table.. 1 'ha' and 1 no 'ha'... and erm, no pictures too.. we were 1 hour late *sorry sorry* I'm still at home when I've gotten a call from MM.. and gf masih sibuk berdandan.. hahahahahahahaa!!

So HT and C (or S) got there 1st (so punctual, paisehnya aku), followed by MM and J, then MT & JA, me and AB, DL and D (hope her surname is not L too, else sounds like twins) *somehow can feel DL's dagger eyes, kidding la* and the fashionably late star.. ALMOST 2 (TWO) HOURS.. is AY & NL..

Of course we were busy conjuring up names for the marathon they were in... muahahahahahahhha.. GATAL! But the actual event wasn't as exciting as what was happening in all our minds.. muahahahhaha.. I didn't think I ate much that night though, still appetite lacking T.T everyone were sorta like having their ice creams by then..

NEXT! My turn to get mine and saw those ice cream glass / cups were kinda icky.. went back to table and while cleaning it when someone *SHRIEK* (It could be DL, D, AY or NL) and pointed at my AUSTRALIA! and there it was.. a bloodied U Turn! LOL... everyone feel so embarrassed for me and urging AB to get ice cream for me instead.. everyone was really cute and NL launched into a 'which girl tak pernah kena? even if not outside, sure inside kena 1.' Thanks girls but I am ok, really :P

After that, we decided to go to Enigma cos some wanna chuck a beer or two.. and of course I went back to change to another pair or pants! LOL! It was surprisingly a quiet night.. We could even find parkings.. LOL

Not much excitement there except all getting worked up by ppl not closing the sliding door properly and bad karaoke voices wafting into where we were and the Lady Boss / PIC's car gotten banged.. dunno how the driver of a moving car managed to hit a parked car with quite a huge space in between.. must be mabuk already..

Now we are all thinking.. NEXT DESTINATION???

Of Appetite and Drama

Lately my appetite has been decreasing due to flu, cough, sore throat and auntie visit..

This is my dimsum breakfast with my bestie recently, the amount looks depressing, I know *nod nod*

Looks like mickey hor?

Just the 2 of us.. BUT.. salad 'ha', siumai, hakau, another 'mai', 1 'ha' cheong fun & 1 charsiew cheong fun only

hohohohoh..this is a must! the more the better!

Then there's my Alice in Wonderland / Bubba Gump date with gf.. also depressing looking amount.. hehehe

 This is my Blueberry Smoothie & that is her Mango Sparkler

 Yummy Garlic Bread Basket and Classic Caesar Salad

Bucket of Boat Trash which we took into the cinema with us!

(Didn't fancy the butter dip though)

We were enjoying our food until we realised it's 19:25 and our movie is on at 19:30 =.=" plus we discovered that we were seated next to 2 of our friends.. LOL.. What a coincidence.. and dang.. the lottery counter is close.. might hit the jackpot while someone up there is still looking down...

With the decrease in appetite, my love drama chose to increase.. Word for the wise.. and you pray to god that you really are one.. River water don't disturb well water.. I bet you heard of that.. I didn't kacau you so go back where you came from.. I know everyone's protective of what's theirs but it isn't yours if you didn't want it.. Don't red eye when things suddenly seemed more attractive once someone else have it instead of you..

People just love crossing boundaries isn't it? 1 fler crossed already then allowed the other fler to join in.. you all think I am the beach isn't it? I can see the hand gesturing >> mari mari, mari main bersama-sama.. Better beware, my tempestuous nature might surface..  just like the beach / bitch that I am, nice to play on a good day but when the volcano rocks, tsunami will come to sweep you all off the beach..

Word for any lovers out there, don't get involve in drama, don't create drama (both doesn't apply if you're being provoked), don't let others create drama for you and most importantly : be loyal, don't 1 itchy ass find 2 chairs to scratch and *drum roll* don't let a jalang interfere with your love life.

I bet my lack of appetite is making me ferocious.. LOL.. If ya all will excuse me, this queen of a bitch needs to go work on her appetite for food and relationship too..

Hurting people

Lately, turning left right front back up down, see plenty of ppl hurting plenty of other ppl.... *sigh*

- Girl got slapped, fly kick, punched and yelled at, no friend of hers helped her or stopped the abuser

- Boy got shouted at, degraded and humiliated in public by gf till he can't take no more and tell her to shut the f*** up and leave to a cheering crowd

- Girl got smacked, manhandled, stripped naked in the street by a gang of girls and boys for 'stealing' the perpetrator's boyfriend *sigh* unfaithful bastard

- Catfight in coffeehouse over another philandeering boyfriend, both throwing water at each other, fighting over another *sigh* another unfaithful bastard

- Boy got stripped, dragged to a secluded area, taunted, abused, degraded, harassed, made to sign letter to not make a police report over the incident lest his family members will be subjected to harm (over a rape, abuse allegation on 1 of perpetrator's sister whom 'victim' has a relationship with)

- Ex lover unable to let go, harassed ex lover's ex on issue of moving forward

- Insecure lover threatening to cause hell and havoc to lover's life & family so that lover won't leave

- Unfaithful lover, unable to draw the line, causing mistress (who apparently is also in another relationship) to character assassinate and verbally attack current lover *sigh* more unfaithful bastards

- People shouting obscenities to any particular individual for the fun of it

Hmmmm.. what is wrong with this world now.. HURT is IN? Hmmm.. aren't they better off checking out new trends from FASHMAG then.. Yes, I am also participating in this HURT circle by being verbal about it too!!

Part 7 of 7 seasons of loneliness

Gluttony

Hmmm... I have the perfect pictures from my previous blog to basically sum this up..

2 rice, 1 taufoo oyster sauce, 1 taugeh, 1 bbq honey chicken, 1 roast chicken, 1 tai pau, 1 charsiew pau, 2 ha mai, 1 sausage pizza, 1 tuna bun, 1 chicken floss bun, 2 minced cheesy chicken bun, 1 large whipped potato and 3 pcs ori KFC

I dunno why I am always hungry.. Every 2 hours also hungry.. Until my baby also sudah sien see me eat only..

I missed Zanmai la.. I missed wantan mee, pan mee, loh mee, cantonese fried, yin yong, fried lou shu fan.. steamboat.. tai pao, lo mai kai, dim sum and I can't remember so many names of the things I missed ler... but I am feeling hungry again.. Some more 1 fine day I wake up wanna makan hokkien mee so so much.. and I am not even fan of hokkien mee..

Anyway, I forgot to take picture of a tray of baklawa my friend brought me.. but found something closer to what I've gotten from him.. so sweet.. I still have some left and will eat it soon.. when I have a sweet craving!!

 Baklawa.. My baby also likes it.. but she eat until stomach too stuffed!

I'm hungry again, time to eat my buns.. What are you eating now?? I hope you are happily digging into your food too!! Yum Yum!!

Part 5 of 7 seasons of loneliness

Lust

This is a contradicting subject to be discussed.. Why?

I love and loathe this subject... It could be the best thing that could ever happen to you.. or it could be your worst nightmare..

Love

Because when you are lonely.. you will go out and flirt.. and by flirting, you might meet someone who could be 'an awesome night out', 'a friend with benefits' or he/she 'could be the one'.

Because when you fell in love with a piece.. you just can't stop thinking about it and planning future usages with it..

Because you can't get enough of it.. then you will always crave for it.. forever and ever and ever.. until you finally gotten sick of it~

Loathe

Alamak!! Need explaining ka? OK la.. here goes..

It causes havoc, breaks up relationships, marriage, trust, honor *please la.. not everything I say must be sexual geh mah..

No self control hence cheating behind partner (I mean if you guys have an open relationship and an understanding then I faham la..). It could be due to feeling inferior, constant need to be above others and be No. 1 as lover *chuckle at the fool* (Why you have this obsession to prove something about yourself? If applied to work, might make a tycoon out of you..), gives you the rush, the butterfly you mistakenly took as love.. *roaring laughter*

Addiction to constantly diy-ing to a point that you are as sore-ish as your soiree..  sitting so many hours in front browsing and going starry starry eye...

'How would you like to pay Sir/Mdm/Miss'? Swipe, swipe and swipe.. can feel the wind gushing to the next person's face when hand motioning that flicking action...

Make use of others for your financial gains, plunder and conquer.. trying to capture and make a sui yue out of your pursuer(s), breaking up people's home life and serenity.. Gives you a false sense of security that someone wanted you more than they really dare to admit to and vice versa..

Drives you to financial ruins because you can't help and say, 'oh.. very cheap only.. can afford another piece'.

Kills you with 'rich man diseases cause you can't help it.. 'ken..not..re..sist..must..have..no..mat..ter..what'. The pic below is totally dedicated to this very sentence.. LOL

*picture it's hand trembling after stuffing yourself and tak boleh jalan*

LOL.. Lust.. love em or loathe em.. My brain juice just dried.. else this would be my favorite topic to bitch and blog about.. so juicy you know.. marigold peel fresh's pulp also kalah face down ler!!

Lust makes an user out of all of us.. So, are you gonna be morally using / be used or immorally using / be used? Choice is entirely yours.. Me, I wanna be inter-using... Truth be told, you can never live life without using or being used.. The only difference? Only you can tell yourself when you care to be honest...

We should have a World User's Day.. How about that?

New Look...

Taking a break in between of a 7 series production..

Got a new phone, a hair cut and also a new hairdryer on the same day (2 nights ago,16.03.2010, just realised it's past midnight now..) hehehehe.. courtesy of mi bebe!!

I couldn't get a nice shot from her 8.1MP camera so I stole this from her blog!!

Gone are my curls.. and split ends who has split ends too.. Don't they look like toy poodle's fur??

Guess who also have their hair cut?? Vain pot.. muahahahahaha

Baru bangun face (taken yesterday, 17.03.2010, cos go out ycha no time take pic) LOL.. haven't even gosok gigi yet!!

And.. TADA!! This is the cheap hair dryer we got.. but nice la.. RM 45 only wor~ 1200W ler..

And then hor.. today we go out tarpau lunch & dinner.. and .. pls be prepared.. for the faint hearted, get your vomitting bags ready...

 2 rice, 1 taufoo oyster sauce, 1 taugeh, 1 bbq honey chicken, 1 roast chicken, 1 tai pau, 1 charsiew pau, 2 ha mai, 1 sausage pizza, 1 tuna bun, 1 chicken floss bun, 2 minced cheesy chicken bun, 1 large whipped potato and 3 pcs ori KFC

Wohohohoho.. I dunno why but I am hungry every 2 hours now.. everytime need to eat full meal or feel like I am starving already.. now to go eat again.. Yum Yum!!

P/s : I dunno how to photoshop and also malas to learn so you guys just see the photo as taken la.. bad lighting no flash too but I very suka my phone lo.. so cute!!